Russian Roulette
by The Fallen Angel Of Pain
Summary: FILL for the KINKmeme. The Guardians and Pitch wake up in a cavern, disoriented and weak. They soon realize the horrifying reason - They look completely DIFFERENT with powers that are not their OWN! How did this happen! Why! And things only get worse when they must learn each others jobs to keep their belief, and find a way to change them back... Now if only if it were that easy...
1. I Thought It Was Bad But It Was Worse

**Sorry for the delay everyone, had some things to work out. But what's here is here - ****Disclaimer: don't own anything. - ****Warning: The first chapter may seem a bit roughly done but I promise I'll give my best shot at the next chapter, and to keep things humorous there always must be the slightest hint of OOC. The slightest, no over-sizing it judging people. Hope you enjoy, and thanks to Sumi-sprite for giving me the green light on her prompt! :D**

Pairing: N/A (will change)  
Genre: Humor, Parody  
Rating: T (for swearing, no smut)  
Word Count: 3,700

Chapter 1 - I Thought It Was Bad... But It Was Worse

**Writer's P.O.V.**

* * *

Cold. That is the first thing Pitch could feel.

But that was not really surprising; it's always cold in his lair. But this cold was... different. It didn't feel right, because it usually doesn't bother him. The darkness is in fact a cold place - cold and dark go hand in hand after all, which he is not so eager to remember since his last failure by the hands of those_blasted_ Guardians.

Though it had taken him some time before he got used to cold, which resulted in a few blankets being burned after a nasty sickness he got. He had burned the ashes too, just in case someone decided to go through his trash, again.

But the cold this time, actually _did_ bother him. It bit at his cheeks and sent shivers through his skin beneath the clothes he was wearing. He was perplexed. Why in the ever sweet darkness would the cold bother him? Maybe it's because of the floor he was laying on.

Wait. Floor? What the hell is he doing on the floor!?

Pitch's eyes weakly fluttered open, due to his whole body pulsing from exhaustion for no clear reason. Gathering his strength to stop his eyes twitching, he slowly took in his surroundings. The first thing he saw was the darkness, all around him. He lazily glanced around. It was some sort of cavern, though he couldn't really tell much, only from the stony floor he was laying on. There seems to be no light, nor an exit.

Or an entrance for that matter.

Maybe there will be something if he turns to his left. If only not for the fact that he would rather rot himself in this cavern than roll over, especially on the floor. _Even_ if there was a two-tone rock above him, threatening to end his life. No exaggeration.

The darkness around him kept quiet, no writhing shadows or whining nightmares at the back of his mind.

_Where are the Fearling whispers?,_ Pitch weakly thought. Come to think about it, he can barely see through the darkness now. Yet still, he stayed down, too exhausted and weak to move even for the sake of his curiosity...

Why was he on the floor again?

* * *

_Damn._ It was all Jack could think of. He didn't know how, where or why. But he still knew he never should have done what he had done.

He messed up _bad._

He didn't know that the spell book, the one North specifically told him 'not to touch!', could actually _work_! He just wanted to have some harmless fun, and would you just look at where it has brought him;

In a cold cavern that was who knows where, with a mind messed up who knows how, and a sore back from laying on the floor that he honestly didn't want to know what looked like - sure didn't feel like a clean one - and his friends were nowhere to be seen.

Now Jack knew he was gonna be in _so much_ trouble when he gets back, he was anticipating the punishment even before he touched the damn book. But now, his thoughts unexpectedly revolved about a vacation, somewhere far away. _But that is no way related to the situation I was in_... _Okay, maybe a little,_Jack sighed. _No, no. I must go ahead and face my fellow Guardians. It can't be that bad_...

_You know, Himalayas sound nice._

There were various of sighs throughout the cavern. Jack went rigid. _Oh, shit, _he frantically thought.

But he soon realized that the sighs were more exhausted than annoyed, so he let himself relax just the slightest. It was at least a good start.

_''So the lengthy lecture won't start right away, very promising.''_

Jack violently jerked at the sound of unknown voices. _What the hell were those? _Those voice were definitely not his, yet they seemed to be coming from the inside of his head.

But even he kept listening, he heard nothing else. Nearly five minutes passed. Nothing.

After somehow convincing himself that the voices were just his imagination, Jack bent his knees and lifted his head from the floor. His head actually felt clear instead of foggy. He then gathered all the will power he had in him and pushed himself up by his hands, standing on his own with both legs beneath him and his hands in front of him to keep the balance. His knees shook beneath him, but he didn't fall.

''Guys,'' he whispered, hoping that in whatever state the Guardians are into- state_ he_ got them into- that they were okay. But no one answered his whisper, ''Guys.'' He called a little louder this time, a bit of fear suddenly catching up to him. He would never forgive himself if somehow and someway managed to screw up his first attempt at a fam-

''Hey, is everyone al'right?'' an Australian accent asked, Jack's head turning around to be greeted with a very annoyed spirit of Hope. Bunny rubbed his eyes sleepily with one hand, while yawning into his other.

If there was a time when Jack could practically scream from relief, it was now. Seeing the forms of his friends behind Bunny, all standing normally, though he could see the slight shaking of their knees and breaths.

All of the Guardians gathered around Jack, each of them blinking rapidly in a dazed way. The way they gathered around him was unsettling to Jack, with wide distances between each other and keeping their gazes only on him.

''Where are we?'' Tooth innocently asked, running a hand over her head. Jack took another minute to let the question sink in.

_If they don't know where they are, then they don't know how they got here. And if they don't know how they got here, then they don't know why they were here. And if they don't know THAT, then they don't know it was me who got them here, _Jack wisely thought things through.

Usually, he wasn't the one to do this kind of thing -trying to turn the situation in his favor- but somehow it seemed so normal and natural. It would have creeped him out if he weren't so dazed.

_So they are confused and disoriented_, Jack finally thought. _They are probably unable to think clearly, fatigue all they could feel along with disorientation and probably brain concussions..._

_Great!__  
_

''I don't know.'' Jack truthfully answered, at least not lying. ''But look, there's an exit above us.'' Jack nodded towards the obvious exit.

A wave of exhaustion suddenly washed over him, and he rubbed his forehead. _I guess I was no exception to the spell. _Jack glanced at his surroundings. It wasn't really that dark, but he instantly felt so weak and his mind felt so foggy that it made things harder to focus on.

The cave they were in was big enough to host two hundred spirits at once, with room to spare. There were various of exists that probably lead to the other parts of the cave, all tangled in a system of its own. A few big rocks were scattered along the floor, and thousands of small pebbles littered the damp and wet floor. A few puddles could be found here and there.

The place would have freaked out anyone.

''Where?'' North asked Jack, who was already deep in thought. ''I do not see anything?''

_What?,_ Jack thought when the rest of his fellow Guardians looked up and squinted their eyes.

''Okay, enough of this!'' Bunny suddenly exclaimed, startling everyone by the crazed look on his face. Well, at least startling Jack. Because he looked like he woke up after eating laxatives and sleeping pills on the same night. And boy, does Jack know what kind of rage that is.

_Never, under any circumstances, should you do that... I wish someone told me that a couple of years ago, _Jack sighed thoughtfully.

''What are we bloody doing here!? Where in hell is 'here' anyway!?'' _Oh no, here it comes,_ Jack thought.

_''You're so dead. Well, as dead as you can be.''_

_What the f-_

''Bunny, calm_ down_. We'll figure this out!'' Tooth cut in, reaching out to comfort Bunny, like a mother would to a child. An overgrown, furry, tempered, rabbit child. The others around him also tried to show placated gestures to the Pooka.

Even Jack wanted to say something right then and there, but he couldn't. _Why not wait until we get home? That sounds like good idea. After a nice cup of coco, maybe a good joke_, Jack decided, nodding his head while doing so.

But deep inside him, he knew he was still so-gonna regret ever touching that spell book.

_''Completely and utterly.''_

_Who the hell are you, weird voices!?_

_''__You__ really wanna know.''_

Bunny disregarded Tooth for ten full seconds; she is always tying to keep cool and calm all of them when the situation gets out of hand. Especially Bunny, since he was, after all, the most _aggressive_ one. Though no one will ever admit that - They wouldn't dare.

But Bunny eventually gave in and sighed in defeat as he reached out to Tooth, taking her soft hand to at least satisfy her need to calm everyone. Sighing again, he ran a finger over the gentle feathers... Only for someone else to yelp and slap his hand away.

''Ahh! You perv! Watch where you put your dirty little hands!'' A few seconds passed in silence after that... Then everyone's head snapped toward the voice.

''Pitch!''

* * *

To say the Guardians were surprised, would not be true. They were _terrified_. They just woke up in an unknown place, disoriented and weak, and their weapons and stuff were nowhere to be found.

This can only mean one thing; Pitch has kidnapped them.

''You let us go, Pitch! You have gone too far!'' North bellowed, and went for his weapons with the rest of his fellow Guardians. But none of them had any weapons on them.

''Damn!'' Bunny was the only one that voiced his concern with this.

''What?'' Pitch asked, confused. _Why in heaven would they tell me to let them out. They should let _me _go__! Defeating me was one thing, kidnapping is a felony!_

''You weirdos had too much drinks last night when you got this idea! Just you wait until the spirit of Justice hears about this!''

''Justice! You kidnapping twerp, we should have you hanged for this!''

The Guardians went on and on with their insults. An endless number of insults were flying everywhere and landed on anyone that was near. Pitch kept yelling at them and pointing his finger accusingly, and the Guardians flailed their arms around in anger as they yelled back. No one but Jack seemed to suddenly take in their appearances, when looking closer.

With a loud gasp, Jack clapped a hand over his mouth to stop his scream.

And while the heated argument got even more heated, above everyone's heads, the very faint light of a morning sun threatened to spill into the cave. The Guardians and Pitch were completely unaware of the situation they were in, judging by their argument turning worse and worse with each second. All but Jack, who stared in horror at the people in front of him.

''Oh, what have I done?''

**Jack's P.O.V.**

* * *

You know that quote 'scared shitless'. Well, screw that! I was never more scared in my entire life! And I still had the fear that I would shit myself right then and there.

I could do nothing as I watched the chaos unfurl in front of me, frozen to my spot - The irony wasn't lost on me.

Bunny sorta lost it, after Pitch hit his sore spot with a remark of how Christmas was better than Easter. And though Pitch only said it to piss Bunny off - there was a little truth to it.

With an astonishing amount of speed, Bunny reached out and hit Pitch in the jaw, hard. Pitch stumbled back from the impact, holding his gonna-be-bruised jaw. A furious expression suddenly replaced the surprise Pitch was feeling, and he returned the favor with a swung of his right arm, aimed at Bunny's face.

The damage was excessively hard, considering that Bunny stumbled over a small rock and hit his head against the floor, rendering him useless. Angered, North gave a war cry as he ran toward his enemy, slamming his body into Pitch's. Both North and Pitch went tumbling to the floor.

Tooth joined them with a war cry of her own, Sandy too, but I didn't see the way they fought, because my eyes averted to the exit above me.

The sun was dangerously close to illuminating the entire cavern. I gotta do something. Anything!

But the rest of the Guardians and Pitch were too much into their fights, hearing their screams, spits and growls of rage, to even so much as notice what had happened.

Then I lost it.

''Stop it! All of you! Just stop it!'' I suddenly exclaimed out of nowhere, forehead already sweating from the nervous atmosphere we were in. ''We-!... Him!... No way-...

Oh my god!''

The Guardians, excluding Bunny, seemed to hear the terror in my voice, because they stopped. Pitch stopped too (Partly because he thought he sensed something close, something very familiar but unknown at the same time)

And just as I was about to hysterically explain why we were all here, maybe shed a tear or few to soften the Guardians' anger, the light of a morning sun conveniently shone through the exit. It illuminated the entire cave and everyone in it, including me.

I could hear Bunny getting up and groaning, but I didn't see him, for the light burned my vision and I had to hiss despite myself. I also tried to back away into a nearby shelter, where there was a hint of shadows. How I knew, I couldn't tell. And though I will never admit it, I never felt safer when I did back away.

After a minute of complete blindness, I looked back at my fellow Guardians again. Only this time, they were looking at each other, examining and blinking harder than ever. And they did it a few more times... And again...

They squinted their eyes against their blurry visions and shook their head in hopes of clearing them up. Sighing, they looked at each other yet again, only this time, their gazes didn't avert. Something seemed to click inside their heads for a moment.

And that was the beginning of all hell breaking loose.

''AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!''

* * *

Everyone but Sandy and me screamed, a very long and a very loud scream that shook the entire cave. Bunny stepped away too quickly, hitting North hard in the crotch, who slipped on a patch of ice and fell on top of the not-golden Sandy, who accidentally hit Tooth as a sand bomb was released_. _The sand bomb came right at Pitch, yet he still somehow avoided it, but crashed onto the floor like the rest of the Guardians.

And I just stood to my spot, tried hard not to think of their appearances, moved my legs a bit so I get the feeling, that I can take a dump at any second, go away. So far, it's not working.

**Writer's P.O.V.**

* * *

The Guardians all squirmed and got to their legs and paws in whatever way they could, probably just as startled and terrified as Jack, if not even more so.

''Oh my god!'' Tooth screeched, both her hands in front of her body. ''Where are my feathers!?''

''What the _BLOODY HELL_! North! Why do you have my tail!?'' Bunny hopped away from the horrified North, practically bursting with confusion and surprise at his friend having his belonging.

''Sandy! Why are you wearing my clothes!?'' North asked Sandy in horror, who shook his head vigorously, and pointed to Pitch.

''Pitch! You-!''

''I'm a freaken' bird! Bird! What in the _fucking_ world is this!?'' Pitch screamed at his feathered hands. Frantically, he tried to somehow, in a magic way, brush the feathers off him, merely shedding a few grey ones from his black attire.

_''Wow, now this is one hell of a party.''_

''Shut up! All of you! Just shut up!''

The Guardians briefly glanced in Jack's direction. But they were all too freaked out about themselves to linger too long on his head-clutching form.

But then unexpectedly, everything silenced, leaving the cavern as if it never was disturbed.

**Jack's P.O.V.**

* * *

I focused back on my friends, but they weren't panicking anymore. They all stood across from each other and panted from the exhaustion. All the while keeping their gazes on Pitch while they examined the situation. I did too.

Across from me stood Pitch, and out of all of us he looked the most abnormal. He was covered in _feathers_! Black and white, slick and elegant, myriad of_feathers_! Everything but his hands and face was covered, making him look like a blurry and a twisted image of what Tooth would look like in black and white. He had a large -scratch that- _enormous_ pair of black iridescent wings behind him, raised up in wariness and twitching ever so slightly. A long and slim white feather adorned the middle of his head, standing out from the other black feathers. The black ones made it all kinda resemble his original hair, especially with the spikes at the end that were neatly folded and even more slicked back. He had white lines around his wrists and ankles, like Tooth's yellow ones, and wide swirls of white along his chest and back, a mockery of leaves. His back, that was half-turned to me, was almost the same as the back of his robe, so soft looking and against his body that I actually thought it was his robe. If it were not for the same white swirls standing out, that is. His tail feathers were absolutely larger than Tooth's, like the drag of his robe, but raised above the floor like a peacock's tail. And since he was so tall, the tail went from a tightly covered bottom, to a wide feathered fan that brushed against the floor. The inside of it was as black as night.

Bunny was next to me. His fur was _white_, with unique traces of blue_ snowflakes_ along his back and chest. His fur looked puffy and soft, even his ears had a bit more white fur to them. A snowman and an arctic fox would probably be jealous on him. Even his eyes changed color, from a brilliant green to an electric blue. And once where his boomerangs used to be, two stripes of blue formed two circles, as if the boomerangs were supposed to be there.

Sandy was on my left. He had only changed his colors, since he was still his usual height and had his usual plump body. He was no longer a golden color, but now he having red and white, with pink cheeks and skin tone, and even boots to add to it all. And the way the colors were scattered, it looked like North's coat... wait, it was North's coat!

Tooth was... golden, to say the least. She was completely made of dream sand, barely anything but her eyes visible, so I couldn't make out any features except that she had no feathers. Her cres- hair, was short and it molded with her head so that it still looked like her feathered crest. She wasn't floating but I could see dream sand shifting beneath her legs and around her head, indicating she was frustrated.

North was a bunny, all covered in fur from head to toe, and though the colors he had remained, he had large paws and everything, even ears. And he was THIN! There was no fat on him, just pure muscle, I could tell at least from the fur on his broad shoulders. He also wore something akin to a kilt... It took me some time to realize that those were his usual pants, but were somehow ripped to resemble a dress...

''Oh my GOD! What has happened to us!'' And just as soon as the thought left my mouth, everything started out again.

''We're doomed!''

''This is a nightmare!''

''What are we gonna do!''

''We're all gonna die!''

Panic and hysteria took over the Guardians and Pitch, pride and dignity forgotten as everyone let out their fear, anger and frustration in their own way. Which was quite weird. I mean, I didn't let out _my_ emot-

_''You probably should.''_

''Ahh!''

* * *

**I apologize again if there is OOCness. I hope it wasn't a problem. But you gotta admit that it was funny when they freaked out. Things will get more funny as the story goes on. I will try and draw some of the transformed Guardians and Pitch. ****Bye for now, I'll update as soon as I can, and you can review about your favorite miss-character!**

***runs away before anyone could do anything***


	2. Not So Good

**Okay you guys, I'm sorry for the roughly done work... Again. But it's a minute to twelve and I am exhausted, so forgive me and you can have a cookie while I do the next chapter much more better. Deal?**

**Okay, enjoy.**

Pairing: N/A (will change)  
Genre: Humor, Parody  
Rating: T (for swearing, no smut)  
Word Count: 3,110

Chapter 2 - Not So Good

**Writer's P.O.V.**

* * *

It had taken an eternity before everyone calmed down, to the point when they no longer tried to break things or themselves. Yet still, any spirit could see the obvious shaking and the haunted eyes shifting back and forward. Jack was the first one to speak, and even then, he whispered with his voice shaking.

''Somehow, someway,'' the realization was nearly too unbearable to say out loud, ''we had switched powers.''

''No shit Sherlock!'' Pitch yelled, his iridescent wings flapping against each other in a flurry of movement, but not working as they should. And to add to emphasis, Pitch stared at them like they came from another planet.

Well, they probably did.

The Guardians didn't hold back their silent gasps when they heard Jack's statement. I mean, they knew. After all, Tooth looks like a cream puff, Bunny a snow rodent, North a furry rodent, Pitch a tutu fairy and Jack... they couldn't even think about their youngest member's appearance, looking like a badass fearling of Pitch's.

And hearing the statement, which they all knew, out loud was another thing, coming from the mouth of the Guardian of Fun himself. They took a full minute to let this realization sink in.

Pitch's crest ruffled without control while all the Guardians tried to think clearly, and he clapped both his hands over it to stop. But the main white feather kept popping back up, while the others went in different directions. It was more than frustrating for Pitch.

Then the Guardians simply dropped flat on their asses, out of frustration that they came to this kind of situation without even knowing how. Unlike Pitch... who slammed his head into the nearby wall.

''How did this happen?'' he asked the Guardians in front of him, with a low dangerous voice. He lifted his eyes to them, freaking the Guardians out by the anger on his face. None of them will ever admit that they looked around the cave to see if they can preform a quick escpae.

After not getting any answers, Pitch bent down and picked up a rock. He swung his arm and threw the rock at them.

The rock hit Sandy in the head, and he fell on his back from the impact. The Guardian of Dreams found himself fuming with rage and was about to get up to teach Pitch a very violent lesson... when he realized he couldn't.

He rolled and rolled on the floor, tried to jump up, tried to push himself up by his hands, he even tried to climb using the wall, but - He still couldn't. He doesn't have his dream sand and now he can't get up.

_Great,_ the dream weaver thought miserably.

The Guardians exchanged glances, somehow ignoring what Pitch had just done, then all their eyes settled upon Jack.

''What? You think I did this?'' Jack asked with offence, pointing to himself, still hid in the shadows. The Guardians yet again exchanged glances, nodding more vigorously this time at the winter sprite.

''Okay, fine... I did it.''

The Guardians gasped.

''Seriously?'' Jack asked.

*smack*

''Owwiiiee!'' Jack then exclaimed, hands reaching out to hold his head that was throbbing in pain. Above him stood a very annoyed fairy with a palm extended for another hit.

''Okay, okay,'' Tooth said, instantly getting between the two bitter enemies, ''No need to get physical.''

''Watch me,'' Pitch said.

''Jack, how did you do it?'' Tooth asked before Pitch could hit him again.

''Do what?'' Jack dumbly asked.

*smack* *punch* *hit*

''Tooth!'' Pitch grabbed the furious woman of sand, ''We need him alive!'' He yelled to her, while Jack sat on the ground and tried to somehow squirm away from the raging Guardian of Dreams.

''Give me back my feathers!'' Tooth angrily screeched at Jack, who stared at her in horror, thinking; _What the hell is happening!?_

''Umm, Tooth,'' Bunny tried to say, stuttering a bit.

Tooth stopped her unexpected attack, and looked at Bunny in puzzlement.

''Yeah?'' she said.

''Are you okay?'' he asked her, looking to his fellow Guardians to point out Tooth's behavior.

''What do you mean 'am I okay'?'' she asked in offense.

Bunny looked to North in hope. North turned his head away and pretended he was sniffing the wall behind him. Bunny then looked to Sandy. But Sandy was pretending to be asleep on the floor.

Bunny gulped.

''Well, you _are_ being held back by Pitch, while trying to attack Jack to somehow take out the feathers out of him alone, so...''

It was all it took for Tooth to realize her behavior too, and she gasped at herself.

''Oh, my god,'' she said, ''I had no idea, I-I didn't mean to and-''

''You just reacted on instinct?'' Pitch asked, letting her go in disgust and brushing his feathers like he touched something filthy. The Guardians snapped their heads toward the former Boogeyman.

''How do you know that?'' Tooth skeptically asked. Bunny and North got up off the floor, Jack too left the safety of the shadows, for everyone to gather around Pitch. Even Sandy rolled over to the curios group.

''I had read about this kind of thing,'' Pitch started, while he was still brushing his feathers, ''There is a spell called Cassiopeia, like one of the star constellations, and all the things that happened to us match the spell side effects. The disorientation, the power switch, and,'' he pointed to Tooth, ''crazy shit behavior.''

Tooth merely looked at him in pride hurt - She was not used to being the one that cracks when things go wrong.

''So, what you're saying is that Jack,'' Bunny pointed to the said Guardian, ''cast a professional spell on us that will last for who knows how long, and with who knows how much side effects?''

Pitch nodded, ''Precisely, though I doubt that he did it, actually. The spell is, like you said, a professional one. So someone must have helped him,'' he turned his head toward Jack, ''And don't you dare say it was me.''

Jack sadly shook his head, ''I don't quite remember anything. All I know is that I took a spell book-''

''The one I specifically told you not to touch!''

''-and I think I read something out of it, and the next thing I know, I am here.''

Sandy shook his head in disappointment at Jack. He thought better of him. He truly thought that he would finally start listening to others, to take his job more seriously and with pride that all the other Guardians carried throughout their whole existence, and-

Jack bent over and helped Sandy to his feet.

_Oh, thank you, you're the most beautiful and the best Guardian there is!_

''Okay, so, here's the plan,'' Bunny started, ''We get out of here, find out what happened, then find Manny and ask him for help.'' Bunny smashed his not-paw in his other not-paw, determinedly. Everyone nodded in agreement, excluding Pitch still brushing his arms in disgust.

''Yeah, just ask the non talking man who never did us anything good in the past,'' Jack said nonchalantly.

Everything around him went silent once again, only this time, all eyes were pointed at Jack.

And to say he was embarrassed would be sugar-coating it.

''What was that for?'' Tooth was the first to speak. Jack lifted his surprised gaze to see that all the Guardians and Pitch were actually listening to him.

_''Ugh, change the subject, idiot!''_

''Ummmm, hey, Pitch. Nice dress.''

''_Excuse_ me. Tell that to yourself, asshole.''

''... What?'' Jack looked down to his body, and boy was he shocked to see that he was wearing the same thing Pitch used to wear. A black robe!

''Ah, shit!'' was Jack's insane response, before he jumped into the air toward the exit, and fell flat on his behind.

Pitch couldn't help but snicker mockingly at him, even with the situation at hand.

_''Well, so much for going back to normal.''_

''My powers, they are... gone,'' Jack said, and he said it with such misery that no one wanted to put a comment...

''You know, you should get your ASS up and do something _useful_! And stop telling us already known facts! Man up, baby.'' Pitch scrutinized, breaking the silence in thousands of pieces. The Guardians didn't even glare at him for his statement.

''It's okay Jack,'' Tooth said, putting a hand on Jack's shoulder for comfort, and shooting a glare at Pitch. ''We'll figure this out and make things the way they were before.'' Pitch returned the favor while she motioned toward him. ''And even though you have _my_ feathers, I'm still not ruling out the possibility that-''

''I'm a bird! For heavens sake!''

''Okay, okay, not your fault. I get it,'' she raised her hands in defeat.

Pitch would never humiliate himself for the sake of revenge. At least not this way.

Jack, Tooth, Sandy, Bunny and North gathered around the sun lit entrance above them, half of them eyeing Pitch warily. He might not have his powers, which they don't know for sure, but he's still their enemy and possibly dangerous. Pitch returned the favor by staying away from them, even though they were blocking his way out.

''The entrance is too high up,'' the former Guardian of Hope stated, ''And I assume that none of us know how to use our... new-found powers. So, I suggest... umm... uh...'' he couldn't even complete his sentence, since he honestly didn't know how to get up there.

''Well, if only I had Wind to carry me, I could fly up there but-''

''Wait, fly... fly... did you just say fly?''

''Yeah, I did, y-... You thought of something?...'' Bunnymund redirected his gaze to Pitch, quickly motioning toward him with a cock of his head.

''Oooooh!'' The Guardians realized what Bunny meant.

All eyes were suddenly on Pitch, who seemed to have himself occupied by examining his nails nonchalantly.

After a whole minute, Pitch looked up, seeing the smiling faces of Guardians turned in his direction, except for Bunny and Jack, who seemed septic and uncertain.

''What, you freaks?'' First they attack him for no reason, accuse him of kidnapping, and now they were smiling at him. _Smiling_ at him... Truth be told, Pitch was never more creeped out by their behavior.

''What!?'' he asked a little louder this time, since he was down to one last nerve, and they were getting on it.

''Pitch, you bloke!'' Bunny angrily started toward Pitch, flailing his arms around for emphasis, only serving to annoy the Boogeyman even more. ''Get your feathered ass over here! Finally we can make some good use of you! Now bend over!'' Bunny finished with his hand going for the Boogeyman's neck.

Pitch looked at him with wide eyes, but not in fear, more in shock and surprise. He took a quick step back, avoiding Bunny's grabbing paw and nearly tumbling over a nearby rock, but still catching himself to continue backing away.

Bunny kept approaching him threateningly. He reached out and grabbed a handful of feathers, but Pitch hit him in the face with his fist.

The Guardians looked confused for a second, because of Pitch's silent fear. Pitch wasn't really that easy to scare, as much as they would like to deny that. Their gazes switched between Pitch and Bunny, until it clicked in their heads like two pebbles.

Oh-oh, Bunny could have used some different words.

But Pitch was already on the run, running through the cave like a lightning across a clear sky. Bunny even tried to grab him by his tail feathers, jumping forward, but Pitch was too fast and managed to run away, leaving Bunny to fall flat on his face with a grunt.

''Bunny,'' Tooth gently cut in, walking over to him, with a shaking of her weak legs. Bunny looked up with a face full of tiny rocks stuck to it. ''Ahem, you know, when you explain things to people you need to use more clear words. For an example - Can you carry us up there, Pitch? We could use your wings to get us out of here. Tooth could give you a few tips on how to use your new powers.'' She was now standing in front of Bunny, her expression changing to accusation.

''And not; get undressed and let us gang rape you!''

''What!? I didn' say t-'' Bunny abruptly stopped, going over his words in his head. _Get your_ a_ss over here, use it, bend over_...

''Shit.''

* * *

''He still asleep, yes?''

''Aha. He kinda looks cute, doesn't he?''

''What?''

''I mean; we should wake him and get some answers. We're losing daylight.''

Weird voices buzzed around Pitch's head. Not that that was surprising, since he always heard weird voices in his head, and not in that crazy kind of way.

It was weird because one minute, he's running from Bunny who kinda got the idea to rape him, and the next he's laying down on something. Something soft. Maybe fur?

Pitch makes his eyes open. And the first thing he sees is another pair of golden eyes staring back at him. Tooth? Only it looked like Tooth, but she seemed to be walking upside down from a grassy ceiling. _When did she start getting so creepy?_

''Oh, he's awake,'' she noted. And it took Pitch only a few seconds to realize four things.

One; his hands and legs were tied up with a rope, including his mouth. Two; he was slung upside down on one of North's shoulders. Three; the stupid Guardians somehow found another way to get out of the cave, and into the forest. And four; Jack was eyeing him with a dangerous look of revenge upon his face.

That didn't look very promising.

''So, we gonna go to my Warre-'' Bunny started.

''-I do not know how to use your... transportation,'' North interrupted.

''We can go to the Workshop th-''

''-No sleigh. Nor can we get through the snow on foot,'' Tooth interrupted.

''Fine, geesh, we could go to Punjam Hy Loo, maybe?''

''Can't fly, and neither can Pitch tied up like this,'' she motioned toward Pitch, whose crest was ruffling in annoyance again, ''Was the gag really necessary?'' Tooth asked. She didn't like the idea of tying him up in the first place. He's not an animal.

Well, not completely now, anyway.

''I can't listen to the annoying show pony, and you know how he gets sassy and snarky in situations like this,'' Bunny said matter-of-factly.

''Still, I think we shouldn't treat him like-''

''An animal.''

The Guardians stopped, only half of them in annoyance at the voice. Bunny took a few steps back and walked behind North.

''How did you get the gag off, you-''

''I have many talents,'' The Boogeyman proudly said, smugly nodding his head at Bunny. He ran a hand -two tied up hands- over his crest, picking out a very small pebble that was stuck to the side of his head. He carefree flicked it at Bunny.

''No sense in neglecting my hygiene,'' Pitch said, with Bunny crunching his nose in anger and his eyes flashing with rage.

Bunny took a step closer to him and grabbed his chin roughly. He moved his head dangerously close to his eyes. Pitch could feel his cold breath against his face. He definitely did not like the little distance Bunny put between them.

''Now, you listen, you rag. If I hear so much as a single insult coming from you, you _will_ regret it. So shut yer trap and-''

But all Bunny saw was a twitch and a white flash, and he was sent tumbling back. His hands were clutching the now painful spot on his long forehead.

''Ah! The creep hit me!'' A red soar, of something long and thin, started appearing where he was holding his hands, Bunny could feel the warmth it radiated. And when he moved to a nearby puddle to look at it, he could make out an outline of a feather.

''Well, couldn't have been me,'' Pitch nonchalantly said, his hands raised to show his ties. Bunny slowly lifted his furious look from the puddle. ''Must have been your impotence.''

''Ahhhhh!'' Bunny charged at Pitch, the bruise forgotten and the pain ignored. Pitch instinctively prepared himself for the blow.

Until another idea came to the front of his mind. Setting his plan into action, Pitch swung his legs for dear life, and hit North as hard as he could, conveniently in the crotch. And North, having already getting hit at that spot again, dropped Pitch almost immediately.

''Owww! Ah!'' In favor of hopping around to hysterically howl and repeat 'ouch, ouch'.

Bunny accidentally slammed into him, and lost his balance. North fell on top of the violently squirming Bunny.

Pitch somehow got up from the floor, just in time to see Bunny push North away and come at him again._ Now or never,_ Pitch turned around and flapped his wings for dear life. Only he didn't fly away.

The wind picked up around Bunny, blowing and getting stronger. Bunny was only mere inches away from Pitch when the wind suddenly started pushing him back. And no matter how much Bunny tried, he was suddenly suspended in the air.

''Ooey crikey!'' Bunny was tossed, flipped and hit by the nearby branches, ''Jack! How do you use this! Uh-oh, W-wind! I command ya to stop!''

''Bunny, you don't control it, it's an elemental!'' Jack yelled to the terrified Bunny.

But Bunny wasn't listening, since the air was too noisy and his heart was beating way too fast.

''This really can't get any worse,'' Tooth breathed out. A nearly unnoticeable halo of sand formed over her head, and disappeared almost instantly.

''Hey,'' North interrupted his friends, already recovering from the painful crotch hit, while looking around the trees.

''Where is Pitch?''


End file.
